Big Fat Ostrich

Robert? ROBERT!! We gotta talk man. This is important. Robert! Focus! Here! Are you listening? Yes? Right. Ok. I just wanted to say, around 4:13 Dream, you started doing shows with 2 guitars and no keyboard. Roger was gone and all that, it’s okay, we understand.

“With guitars and effect pedals nowadays, you can do anything!” Maybe you can, but you certainly didn’t. Still, it sounded alright. Of course, Jason isn’t Boris. His tiny Jason feet will never fill those giant Boris boots. But that’s an old, tired argument. You seem to get along well with the guy, so we should just all accept the fact that he’ll be there up until the very end. (Still, his “Pictures of you” is awful, I really hope you hear it too).

I just watched a bunch of videos from “Bestival 2011″. Porl is gone. Roger is back. WHAT THE FUCK ROBERT?!? Don’t get me wrong. I love Roger as much as the next guy. But if you’re going to play in front of people, you need a proper band. 2 guitars were shitty but ok I guess. Kinda like, you were proving a point and we were happy that you were back so we didn’t say anything. But a single guitar and a keyboard? No way man. No way. I mean, let’s all take a long hard listen to this:

You sound like a bunch of kids covering the song in the drummer’s bedroom. It’s all very sad, this whole thing.

If you’re gonna stick with Jason, at least hire a second guitarist. Prty plz?

Good night Robert Smith. Good night readers.

Fuck, it’s like I just woke up and realized that my dad really is dead (well, he really is dead ahhaha). The White Stripes are no more. I fucking miss them. I got nothing more to say about it

You’re sad. Maybe just bored. You know you want more from life but you don’t know where to get it. Well until you do, I have this croque-monsieur recipe that I developed myself. I call it a “saturday morninger” because they’re too elaborate to make during the week, unless you’re unemployed. I’ll add some elements of l33t sp34k to the text to keep things edgy and cyberspace-y. Oh by the way, my hamster from Hamsterz 2 is not dead yet. It hasn’t eaten in months yet it keeps running in its wheel. Wouldn’t it be awesome if your hamster died when you don’t log into the game for a long time, and it would simulate accurate decay of the corpse. WOULDN’T IT BE?!?!

Okay here we go…

Ingredientz:

- Black forest ham and sundried tomatoes turkey breast (or any other cold cut you like, but don’t stray too far from those 2 because then you fuck up the recipe!) The thinner the better.

- Butter or margarine

- Sub bread or french baguette

- Garlic powder or minced fresh garlic

- 1 tomato

- Baby spinach

- A cheese of some sort. Havarti works well, swiss is ok, old cheddar or Oka are great choices too.

- Grated parmesan

- Ground black pepper

- Fine herbs (the kind you use for salads, Clubhouse has a great mix of those)

Pr3par4ti0nz:

1. Cut the breads in half. Butter each half. Put some meat on them. Add the baby spinach, the cheese and the garlic powder/fresh garlic, the fine herbz and the pepper. Oh and the grated parmesan.

2. Preheat oven to 375-400 (depending on the age and quality of your oven) and put the croque-monsieurs on a piece of foil or a baking sheet.

3. Put the things in the oven already!

4. Wait for 20-30 minutes. The goal is to melt the cheese but keep the bread somewhat soft.

5. You can put the oven to broil for a bit before taking the croque-monsieurs out.

6. Dice the tomato and put some on top of each croque-monsieur.

7. Add some mayo on top of everything. I haven’t figured a way to do this elegantly and cleanly yet, but a spoon works fine. No need to add too much, the same amount you’d use in a sandwich is OK. Some more ground pepper and even a tiny bit of salt can’t hurt.

8. Enjoy with a knife and fork or with your bare hands. Have a bunch of napkins handy, you’ll need em.

There you go.

Later everyone!

- D