Big Fat Ostrich

Never go grocery shopping on an empty stomach.

If you do, your stomach will make the decisions and some of those might be some bad choices.

18 percent meat protein!

I spotted this Presidents Choice Tandoori Chicken last week at the local Loblaws. My stomach immediately said YES but my brain was saying NO! Don’t DO IT!

Well I did it. And you know, they’re kind of gross. It’s like, weird Tandoori flavor on breaded chicken strips. And although I do love my chicken finger strips once in awhile, you probably shouldn’t mess with the traditional flavor, which is just plain breaded chicken.

I did manage to salvage them because I couldn’t find anything good to dip them in. Mustard made them extremely revolting, and mayonnaise made them taste even more disgusting. I soon realized what my problem was.

I wasn’t thinking like an Indian!

Enter…YOGURT. Of course, everybody knows that tandoori chicken craves Indian yogurt sauce, but we didn’t have any. So we improvised. With yogurt. Blackberry yogurt.

And it worked.

Why did it work? Well there’s a number of reasons. For one, I love blackberry yogurt to the point where I can eat a whole container of it in a single sitting. If you’ve never done that before, I wouldn’t recommend trying it. It’s something that you have to work your way up to. Like doing 50 push ups or something. Start small, like maybe a quarter of the container, and then work your way up to half. Before you know it, you’ll be a yogurt eating machine!

Secondly, the tandoori chicken is tangy and hot out of the oven, so every bite dipped in the cool sweetness of the yogurt became a battle for taste supremacy in my mouth. Hot versus cold and sweet versus tang and the winner was myself since I was really hungry and ended up quite satisfied.

But I don’t think I’ll be buying these again.

If you do it, here’s the “recipe”.

1 box of President’s Choice Tandoori Chicken
1 container of Liberty Blackberry Yogurt
1 spoon
1 plate
1 fork (to eat with)

Cook the chicken finger strips for 20 -30 minutes, take them out of the oven and put them on a plate. Get the spoon, and heap a few dollops of blackberry yogurt on the plate. It should come out like this. Eat.

Someone I know (Dan) has not shut up for the past 3 weeks about this “Demon’s Souls”. Yeah yeah, I thought. Just like WoW, and “Hero Guys”, or whatever it was called. I figured it’s just another MMORPG, but it’s not.

In fact, me and co-blogger Dan had a real live gaming session over at his pad this week, and you know what? It’s not a MMOPRG at all! It’s actually a pretty sweet ass game.

Now I may be like 70 years old, but that doesn’t mean I’ve gone through life wearing big oversized sunglasses. I’ve SEEN the evolution of computer games, and I’ll be first to admit that I was wrong about Pacman being the end all of videogames.

But Demon’s Souls is special. Even an old dude like me can see that. It’s like they took the best elements from the last 20 years of “single dude killing bad guys games” and rolled it all into Demon’s Souls. And made it look amazing to boot.

Figuring out how to move the guy around the map was pretty easy, even for me. In fact, once I got used to the gorgeous landscapes and smooth move-ability, I could concentrate on killing bad guys and stuff. Oh yeah, it’s a medieval setting if you didn’t know, and you start off navigating through a huge ass freaky castle. Classic dark ages stuff. You can almost smell the plague and become friends with it.

Demon’s Souls is also REALLY hard, and if you die, you go back to the beginning of the map. But it’s totally worth it. It’s rare for me to say this but it’s a fun game to be in. Like a cozy slime-filled sock or something. If I had the console that this game is played on (PS3 I think?) I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t shut up about it either.

Oh yeah, I got to see level 2 where there are these disgusting cthuluesque motherfuckers that electrocute you and then suck your soul out through a horrendous kiss of death. The makers of Demon’s Souls managed to make it just realistic enough that I really felt tense as I VERY cautiously explored the stinking dungeon.

So yeah, it’s a really well made game. I might suck at it, but this non-gamer is impressed.

m.

Radiation Juan

The Radiation Juan Chronicles will be featured whenever Juan gets off his drunken ass to actually send us something.  Join him on his dangerous and sometimes disturbing (but usually disgusting) journey.

Peyote and Pavement

I walked for longer than I expected to under the circumstances: uncountable miles from the closest bar, town, or hashball depot, with the sun searing my flesh which didn’t normally see any light brighter than a neon sign. I was thirsty too, yet the drip-drip coming from where my wisdom teeth had been somehow offered some sweet relief.

Looking back I could see the car in the distance. Barely a charcoal smudge against the beige plains. God knows how long I’d been out there, but the road was sloping up and I had a clear view from my vantage point. It didn’t matter anyway. It wasn’t my car.

I spun around lazily and started back up the road. I could begin to see the tell tale signs of an approaching town: a sign up ahead, the refuse collecting in the ditches. I’d been this way before. I was sure of that.

Read the prologue!

Tonight’s Household Deathmatch Double extreme: Human vs Plum. Who will emerge victorious in this challenge to satiate hunger and/or survive?

The Matchup:

Attributes

Weaknesses

The Battle
The Human knows where to find The Plum: in the fridge. The Plum is a sitting duck. The Human lands a right and grabs The Plum. The Plum is defenseless as The Human guides it towards it’s incisors! It tries to take a bite but the skin it tough. The Plum resists, but gives in to The Humans second attempt. Surprise attack! The Plum drips all over the humans hands! How disgusting! The human is surprised but thinks quickly and grabs a towel and rotates the plum while coming in for another attack! Combo move! The Human repeats without mercy until The Plum is decimated, its pit discarded in the trash.

The Outcome
No contest. The Plum was eaten by The Human and never landed one punch. Not one!

Match Time
43 seconds