Big Fat Ostrich

One of my great pleasures in life is to invent dishes. I am the proud father of the “hamburdog” and of course, the inevitable “hot-durger”. I make a killer taco salad that uses the hard shells as croutons (since they kept fucking crumbling in my hands anyway). But my greatest achievement so far has to be the Spagstramizza.

Intrigued yet? Good.

Let me show you how to prepare the thing.

First you take a plate. Any plate will do.

Then you add a fat toasted slice of pumpernickel bread:

Then you pour hot homemade spaghetti sauce on the fucker:

Then you sprinkle your favorite cheese on it:

Then you add hot smoked meat (Montreal style, like Levitts’, is the best, but standard pastrami will do):

And then you eat it with utensils. A pickle or coleslaw on the side are great addition to the experience.

Enjoy!!!

PS.: To the chick who wanted to sell us ads and then said that our website “tried to attack her computer” because Norton said so but she didn’t remember the exact error message but to not try to contact her again: Go fuck yourself. Our website is squeaky clean, bitch.

What a day!

I spent 8 hours fixing the ‘ternets! 8 goddamn hours. With like, 30 minutes for lunch. They even removed my shackles just long enough so that I could go to the bathroom. In the bucket next to my desk!

But I survived. Yes I did.

On my way home, I plotted my victory dinner: I’d throw some cheese tortellini into a pot of boiling water. In a small saucepan, I’d cook up a light tomato sauce, with fennel seeds and dill. A bit of garlic too, with slices of yesterdays shallots. Yes, I deserved this. I’d eat my dinner like a king. With a beer. While watching Lost.

Except I was out of goddamn tortellini!! And tomatoes!

God. How could I be so stupid? Thinking that the freezer was chock full ‘o delectable cheese-filled-tortellini shaped tortellinis. What an idiot  I was. And the water was already on the boil! What was I to do?

I had to think fast.

I checked the time: 8:50pm. Lost would be starting soon and I needed to eat. No, prunes and sour cream would not suffice. Not this time!

I looked in the pantry. Half a bag of Rotini! I threw it in the pot. But dammit…no time for sauce. No time!

Then it hit me.

Tuna. A can of tuna was definitely going in the pasta. In fact, the pasta was ready. A little Al dente, but ready. The after boil will take care of it.

I strained out the pasta, threw in the tuna. Will fennel work? It goddamn better, so I took the chance of my life. I mixed in the fennel and the dill, but it was all too dry, so I went fucking crazy.

I added a teaspoon of mayonnaise. And you know what?

It worked.

I was totally starving, but it was perfectly edible, filling, and flavorful. Do not ever underestimate the power of fennel and dill.

Ever.

I’m always looking for cool new munchies. Yesterday at the grocery store I picked up a bag of Pringles SELECT. The bag claims that they’re “A unique taste escape”. Well appart from being smaller and coming in such pompous flavorings as “Parmesan and Roasted Garlic”, “Chipotle Barbecue” (I think they’re totally late to the chipotle party), “Sun Dried Tomato” and “Cinnamon Sweet Potato”, the SELECT Pringles are exactly like the original ones. They still got that cardboard taste that gets very old very fast yet you can’t help but keep eating. I gotta give them credit for the little presentation text on the back of the bag though. This one says:

“Like a parmesan cheese wheel rolling through a garlic patch”

This is how I picture it:

Yes siree… I believe I’m completely done with this particular topic.

Bye.

Dan