Big Fat Ostrich

That’s right! Big Fat Ostrich Merchandise has arrived. Now you to can start the day with a Plague Beige Coffee Mug, or start your car with your very own Big Fat Ostrich Key Chain!

So head on over to our Zazzle store and check out our first products!

Shop other personalized gifts from Zazzle.

Hold on to your big fat feathery butts, because here comes the Chandler Ostrich Festival!

That’s right. It’s all happening in Tumbleweed Park in Chandler, Arizona, THIS WEEKEND. So if you don’t have your tickets yet, what are you waiting for? Get on the nesterwebs, book a flight, book a room, shave your eyebrows, get some face paint and head on down to the Ostrich Fest!

Seriously though, this has been happening annually for 22 glorious feather-filled years, and it’s not just about Ostriches (although we dig them, yes we do). It’s about Medieval Jousting, Wild Monkeys, Amateur Boxing, Archery, Music, and even a petting zoo!

“But Mike O, is there more than that? I don’t wanna go all the way down there for nothin’”

Hell yeah, there’s more! How about The Freakshow Deluxe? Yeah, now we’re talking.  If the words Freak and Show don’t make you put your pants on backwards (on purpose), then dude, you are crazy.

And you know what else? It’s dirt cheap! 9$ a day for Adults and that includes concerts! 25$ if you want to go on the rides, which is still a steal.

And did I mention that they have Ostrich Races? No? well they do. Just look at them! It’s like Joust, only better pixelated.

Wow, there are just too many attractions to mention here, so check ‘em all out on the official site now. I know I posted the link up there somewhere, but right now, my head is exploding from too much ostrich!

It’s all going on this weekend!

Well if it isn’t time for some Ostrich News!

Yeah that’s right. Lego’s new Prince of Persia themed collections includes one called Ostrich Race, and that’s just fine by us here at BFO Industries, Incorporated, Limited ™.

Check out the radical box:

I’m really digging the Lego scorpion over there on the left.

There are a bunch of different Prince of Persia themed Lego collections being released in anticipation of the Prince of Persia movie coming out in May. It stars Jake Gyllenhaal who’ll probably cry his way through the whole thing. I really don’t know what I have against Gyllenhaal tonight, but the idea of writing anything about him seems to be pissing me off. So let’s just leave it at that.

Man, Prince of Persia.

I don’t really care about the movie or the newer games, although I hear the Ubisoft games are pretty good. They’re probably available for the PS3 and Xbox and those other snazzy gaming consoles. But that’s just what I hear. All I know is that I used to play the olden one from olden times on my ancient 386, and it was awesome for one reason.

Because you got to fight skeletons and shit:

Thanks once again to Big Brother, i.e., Google for bringing us another fine result from our “Ostrich” news search. Thing is, there’s nothing recent about it. Ostrich 2.0 was released like 2 years ago.

But that’s us, man. Always keeping you on the bleeding edge of technology. We’re so bleeding edge, we’re haemorrhaging.

So our search came up with the Ostrich 2.0. It’s an emulator. Get it? Emu-lator? Ostrich?? We think it’s a great name.

The Ostrich 2.0 is from Moates. Since they know waaay more about this than I do, we’ll let them tell you what it is:

“This is the newest Ostrich, the 2.0 unit. It is extremely small and compact, durable, versatile, and powerful. Full 921.6k speed, from 4k (2732A) up to 512k (4mbit 29F040) and everything in between (27C128, 27C256, 27C512). Also works in conjunction with the FordEmu interface.”

Here’s the product link: http://support.moates.net/2008/09/11/ostrich-20-overview/

Anyway, watch the video for more info. The great thing about Ostrich News is never having to explain ourselves.

Hey mate! I don’t need to explain, but the only reason I’m posting the following video is because Hey Hey It’s Saturday came up in my latest Google search for ‘ostrich’.

It seems that Australia’s longest running T.V. show Hey Hey It’s Saturday will be coming back in 2010, and will be hosted by Daryl Somers who hosted it for its entire 27 year (!) run. The show ended in 1999.

But since this is BFO, we’re interested in the Ostrich News portion. Do you see Ossie Ostrich there on the left? Ossie was hugely popular in Australia. So much so, that an Ossie puppet now lives in the National Film and Sound Archive in Canberra. You can say he (or she, I have no idea) was like the Australian Big Bird or something, but with actual comedic talent. Big Bird needed a serious beatdown in an alley. Still does.

Incredibly, in all those years that Hey Hey was on, I have never heard of the show, Daryl Somers, or Ossie Ostrich. Maybe it never made it to North American airwaves. I’m glad I found this though, and through the magic of the internest, I can catch up on 27 years of off color jokes and various puppet shenanigans. Ah yes, the ’70′s. A time of comedic freedom before the politically correct militants starting breaking heads over the slightest  perceived offense.

Here’s a clip from you tube. Check out 1:41 for some hilarious masturbation jokes! Seriously, I laughed.

Addendum: The original video has been removed (thanks bastards!). So here’s a replacement clip which is so much worse than the original one but at least includes an Ossie Ostrich and Johnny Depp face-off. Enjoy. Maybe.

We recently had an actual genuine comment on my last ostrich news entry about me having an ostrich burger. It was from a mysterious reader who calls him(or her)self “you know who”, which is total bullshit, I don’t actually know anyone who would want to visit this site.

Well, dear mysterious reader, tonight I will answer all your questions via the magic of computer assisted painting.

Question 1. Can you at least tell us where you found this culinary delight or are we supposed to figure it out from the clues left uncovered by your plate on the paper placemat?

Answer 1. If you look closely, you’ll notice that the picture indeed hides secret clues as to the location I ate the burger at:

!!!!! OMFG!

*gasp* what’s that?! HOLY CRAP!!!!!!! IT’S A BURGER MITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And if you take a closer look…

You’ll notice that it’s not wearing any pants, and it has a tiny “Hi, my name is…” thingy on its mite waiter suit!

Let’s take an even CLOSER closer look!

So yeah, it was Brisket Restaurant, 1093 Cote Du Beaver Hall, downtown Montreal.

Question 2. How did you order it, rare, medium, well-done?

Answer 2. Medium

Question 3. Was it tender, dry, or just okay ?

Answer 3. It was way too dry.

Question 4. Did it taste gamey, meaty, or like chicken ?

Answer 4. It didn’t taste like chicken at all. More like Wapiti meat, very liver-y taste. I didn’t enjoy it very much.

Question5. Would you recommend the burger, the restaurant, or none of the above ?

Answer 5. I would only recommend the burger to the adventurous. I totally recommend the restaurant though, they serve burgers made of a wide variety of meats (kangaroo, boar, deer, rabbit, etc), most of them are delicious, I personally prefer the boar burger. They also have killer smoked meat sandwiches that compete with the best Montreal smoked meat places. Oh and let’s not forget their huge variety of awesome poutines. The service can take a long time on busy days and the prices are a bit high, but hey, it’s downtown Montreal, what do you expect?

So there, I hope I answered your questions in a satisfactory manner. Thank you for your interest in BFO.

Bye.

-Dan

I had an ostrich burger for lunch.

Guess what time it is. Time for some Ostrich News!

This week, we received a most egg-cellent email here at Big Fat Ostrich. The email came from photographer Simon Pizzey from Stroud, Gloucestershire. Simon, 45, is a press photographer for Gloucestershire Media and has been shooting  for 25 years.  You might say that Simon is the kind of photographer who thinks outside the darkroom.

Now, if you know anything about pinhole cameras, you’ll know that they’re very simple cameras employing the bare basics of photography to put together.  Simon has built them out of various containers including a Pringles tube, but the Ostrich Egg camera was a new one for him, and quite possibly a world’s first.  So what do you shoot with an Ostrich Egg?

You shoot ostriches!

But why go through the trouble of making a pinhole camera when you can buy a simple digital one for like, 50 bucks?

Simon explains, “My digital computerized camera produces fairly predictable results, but simple pinhole cameras constantly surprise you with the images they produce. I use pinhole, or lens less cameras to teach the basics of photography and the science of light to school children, students learn a lot more about light and the nature of photography this way rather than using digital cameras straight away.”

But as simple as a pinhole camera may be to make, getting your ostrich Mona Lisa is no easy feat: “The exposure need for the image was about 5 to 10 seconds, ostriches tend to stand still for about two, they constantly move their necks making it very difficult to capture a true likeness.”

With perseverance however, he gets the shot (click for full size):

And to achieve these results was no walk in the park. Ok, it was sort of a walk on a farm, but you know what we mean. Ostriches may not be too bright, but they can be intimidating:

“I’ve swam with sharks which was a far calmer experience, ostriches are basically dinosaurs they move like the velociraptors off Jurassic Park, they can give a very nasty peck and cause serious injury with a sudden kick, you need to keep looking over your shoulder, they creep up on you in pairs.”

Yikes! Well we’re glad you made it out unscathed.