Big Fat Ostrich

Look at all that pasta! Look how it tilts crazily towards you! It’s mesmerizing and that’s what happens when Dan, Mike, and a bunch of food ingredients hang out.

The plan was like last time: cook dinner, and come up with a new Bobbipins storyline. And you know what? I’ll save you the goddamn suspense and just say that the plan worked, ok? Three times in a row we get together with the idea of eating and brainstorming, and all three times we came away with gold.

So yeah, if you want your dinner to look just like that delicious, succulent bowl of pasta over there, this is what you gotta put into a saucepan on medium high:

a few teaspoons of olive oil
1 diced small onion and 2 cloves of crushed garlic (when these guys are golden brown, add the following)
1 red bell pepper
some mushrooms (sliced)
half a fresh tomato
pepper (use your intuition)
salt to taste

Now about the salt…well, I don’t have any! But under the pressure, Dan grabbed a handful of salted cashews and crushed them into the mix. It was a close call, but supper was saved!

So while all this was going on, there was a big pot of fusili pasta on the boil. It’s really boring to talk about, but it happened, ok?

Now that your mix of vegetables and onions and shit are nice and cooked, here’s the best part: stir a few heaping tablespoons of quality sundried tomato pesto. The one we used was called “pesto rosso”. Yeah really. If you can’t find that specifically, just use a quality pesto and you can’t go wrong.

And you know what? You just made a sundried tomato veggie sauce that’s ready to be mixed into your fusili, which is ready now if you timed it right! Did you time it right? DID YOU?

Now eat it. It’s delicious.

It’s summertime and time for salad!

But you know what? Your salad is nothing without a good dressing. Nothing! Which is why we’re here to tell you how to spruce up your bowl of greens and stuff with a kick-ass dressing that will make you wish you had never bought that crate of Renees Sweet and Sour Hog Sauce.

So let’s get started!

You’ll need:

Mayonnaise
Half a lemon (squeezed)
2 Garlic Cloves (finely chopped)
A handful of red seedless grapes (quartered)
3 pickled banana peppers (diced)
Ground Black Pepper (the more the better)
A touch of lemon zest (use the same lemon!)

Preparation:

Chop up the garlic cloves real fine like, and do the same thing to the pickled banana peppers. Diced, chopped, whatever. We’re not really sure what the difference is, so just make sure they’re fine and mushy. Then get a bowl and slog in a few healthy dollops of mayo and squeeze in the half lemon. mixing it all together with your favorite fork. You can mix in the peppers and the garlic too, and while you’re at it, chop up those grapes in quarters, or halves. Now mix it all together some more. Don’t stop! Keep mixing!

Now for the pepper.

You can use your own judgment and add a sprinkle, or a teaspoon. Or, you can be like us and open the pepper without looking and start shaking it generously into the bowl, only to realize after 2 seconds that the ‘big hole’ side of the pepper thing was open, effectively dousing the mix with ALOT of pepper. Too much pepper you say? You might say, but you’d also be wrong. The amount of pepper that poured out was actually ideal. Tangy, peppery, and just right once mixed into the salad. In fact, it was a perfect compliment to the arugula.

So yeah, this dressing was a total success. The grapes were like little forgotten pleasures of grapeness that popped up when we least expected it. The peppers added some zest and were not overpowering in the least. Overall, a good creamy tangy dressing to get you ready for summer!

Ok, I finished digesting that whole thing of blackberry yogurt that I ate. Seriously, man. When you set out to eat a whole 750 grams of yogurt in one sitting, be prepared for the consequences. It’s not like you can just go, “yeah, let’s eat the whole thing”, and then just walk away from the table without consequence.

It’s like playing poker. When you win a huge pot and take everyone’s money, do you just get up and say, “great game, guys! Same time next week?”, and then just stroll out to your Harley? Do you? Well, you could do that, but you better have a backup plan in case things turn ugly.

Well I played my cards right. This time. I went for a solid bike ride AND I went jogging beforehand. Yeah, that’s right. When you do that, your body will be hungry and will absorb all of that yogurty goodness.

But you can’t just go for a 10 minute run. Make it a good honest 20 minutes. And for the bike ride, do at least 30 minutes, with no less than 15 minutes riding uphill. Yeah, that yogurt will go right to your quads. Do those things and you too will be able to eat 750 grams of yogurt in one sitting.

However, if you do not exercise beforehand, you’re going to ruin that new pair of boxers with a lot of blackberry yogurt juice. And it’ll be more than 750 grams, if you know what I mean *wink*

So yeah! Join me next week when I try to eat 12 apricots in one sitting!

God, it’s cold! I haven’t felt this cold since my ex told me to go sleep in the basement, when we didn’t even have one!

Anyway! Dobson here again to give you some tips on staying warm. Usually I’m up on my game, but this winter has caught Ole Dobson by surprise. It must be that global warming all those kids are talking about. Here I thought spring was right around the corner, when, bang! Old Man Winter bites me in the ass.

So open your drawers and pull out your tea bags. Let’s get toasty!

What, you thought I’d talk about clothes? Well I don’t care how cold it gets. This year Dobson is making it through just like he always has: His favorite argyle sweater and the beige raincoat. That thing cuts the wind it does, and I ain’t looking to score any fashion points anyway.

So let’s get teabaggin’!

These days I’m feeling “zen”, so I like Green Tea. Any old kind will do really. I get mine from those variety boxes they sell down at the pharmacy. You got a problem with that? My ex-wife did too.  That snob queen only insisted on loose tea. But hey, she should know about loose, hey!

Back to our teabag, just boil up the water, pour it in the damn cup, and throw the bag in. Wait about a minute and drink it carefully, lest you burn your tongue.

Enjoy.

Dr. Dobson

I had an ostrich burger for lunch.

And yes, THE best bottle design ever.

Wyborowa (Exquisite) is one smooooth Polish vodka, unlike that turpentine Smirnoff’s crap. To be honest, the last time I had Smirnoff’s was when I raided my parents liquor cabinet and at that age, all alcohol was harsh. Now I’m not saying I ever took a drink before I was legal, but I’m not saying I didn’t either.

Back to our twisty bottle.

The bottle itself was designed by Frank Gehry, famed architect of Manhattan’s Guggenheim, and a few others around the world. It’s kind of nice to have a Frank Gehry in your home, or freezer, or however you like to store your vodka. Every bottle is in fact different with its own little idiosyncrasy, so check them out at your local alcohol store. The bottles do not fit snugly next to one another.

We shall file this one under ‘Food’ since it’s a consumable.

Man, I love Tabbouleh (Tabouli) salad, especially with a great Shish Taouk sandwich.

I don’t know about you, but I’m going to be singing this one in my head for days. And I will never ever be able to order tabbouleh with a straight face ever again.

Tabbouleh, Tabbouleh, Tabbouleh
Make me shake, shake, shake my booty
Eat it with lots of falafel
Eat it on top of a camel

Enjoy!

I’m always looking for cool new munchies. Yesterday at the grocery store I picked up a bag of Pringles SELECT. The bag claims that they’re “A unique taste escape”. Well appart from being smaller and coming in such pompous flavorings as “Parmesan and Roasted Garlic”, “Chipotle Barbecue” (I think they’re totally late to the chipotle party), “Sun Dried Tomato” and “Cinnamon Sweet Potato”, the SELECT Pringles are exactly like the original ones. They still got that cardboard taste that gets very old very fast yet you can’t help but keep eating. I gotta give them credit for the little presentation text on the back of the bag though. This one says:

“Like a parmesan cheese wheel rolling through a garlic patch”

This is how I picture it:

Yes siree… I believe I’m completely done with this particular topic.

Bye.

Dan