This post has been on the backburner, so let it be known that I tried these pizzas before I went so-called vegetarian.
Don’t ask me why, but I ended up at Wal-Mart last month and found out that their new stores include full-on grocery section. And yes, they’ve slashed prices on food in line with their employees salaries. Or so I’m told.
So wasn’t I surprised to see pizza for 3$ Yes. 3$ dollars for a whole pizza, which raised the question: can we expect food this cheap to actually be food? Well, we love a challenge so we picked up two boxes of pizza. One “Pan Style” and the other “Pizzeria Style” by Donatello and Red Baron respectively. Now you can’t judge a pizza by the box that it’s in, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t trust Donatello from the start. Just look at that creepy fuck and his smile. He looks way too happy to be holding that pizza.
Red Baron on the other hand appears a little sedate, like maybe he doesn’t quite get how he went from flying fighter planes for the German Empire in WWI, to promoting shitty 3$ pizza for Wal-Mart. I mean, where’s the link?
So we tried Donatello’s creepy smile pizza Pan Style pizza first. First observation: it smells weird. Like, you know it’s pizza, but it bakes like…I don’t know. Like every ingredient is one molecule off or something. Pretty disgusting too. It’s pizza alright, but the crust tears weirdly. More like paper and less like bread. We managed to eat about half of it and gave up. Not much better than filler.
A few days later we cracked open Herr Red Baron. Better than Donatello, but not amazing. The crust was better this time, but the sauce was tangy in a way that made me suspect that the ingredients may have been low quality. Imagine that. From a 3$ pizza! That’s all you really need to know.
Will not repeat. But when it comes to food this cheap, you’re probably better off just making your own homemade pizza.