McCain Rising Crust Pizza is Disgusting

I love how when you do a Google search for “McCain rising crust pizza is disgusting” (without the quotes), the #1 result is McCain.com. As if we’re expected to believe that the word “disgusting” resides somewhere on their website! It kind of makes me wonder if McCain isn’t involved in a little black or grey hat SEO magic. Either way, I’m pretty sure they’re paying the advertising dollars to net themselves a nice Google ranking.

Anyway, if you’ve ever tried McCain’s Rising “crust” pizza, you may have noticed two things:

a) it sucks
b) the crust doesn’t cut or tear at all like crust is supposed to!

I don’t know. It rips like cardboard. That’s the only way I can describe it. It has this weird plasticky (sp?) feel to it. Like it won’t burn or go bad. Ever.

I just can’t place my finger on it. It’s like the crust rises not with the help of yeast, but through some weird non-yeast chemical reaction. It has a strange hollow feel to it too and just doesn’t feel like bread. Anyway, I love a good pizza so I gave it a shot. I ate the whole thing and just felt sick afterwards. And no, it’s not because I ate the whole thing that I felt sick.

McCain Crescendo Rising Crust Pizza Deluxe

You see, being able to eat a whole pizza is the barometer of goodness. A proper, well made, medium sized pizza can be devoured by any self-respecting man in one sitting. Afterwards, he should drift off into a dreamless pizza coma, his thoughts becoming nothingness, like the pizza that once occupied the now empty box strewn on his coffee table.

With McCain’s Rising Crust “pizza”, halfway through eating it (I think it was the Crescendo) I found my brow beginning to furrow uncomfortably, with a low-grade feeling of dread slowly washing over me. By the time I finished it, I was curled into a fetal position, too weak to change the channel and forced to watch the remnants of American Idol with my eyes closed.

I think I’ll stick to homemade pizza from now on.

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8 thoughts on “McCain Rising Crust Pizza is Disgusting

  • February 24, 2012 at 6:37 am
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    It absolutely sucks. The dough is bad. The sauce is bad. What you have to try is the President’s Choice Chicago Deep-Dish Pizza. I prefer the Spinach, but the sausage isn’t bad, and the three cheese is super cheesy.
    Shawn´s last blog post ..John Hiatt Til I Get My Lovin’ Back

  • February 26, 2012 at 8:35 pm
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    As long as the crust tastes like real crust, I’m in. McCain’s rising crust pizza really is a half baked idea.

    Get it? Half baked??

  • May 1, 2012 at 9:41 am
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    Mcain products all suck !!! I had the cheese pizza omg it was the worst. I cant believe they sell this stuff. They are ripping ppl off.

  • May 14, 2012 at 1:09 pm
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    I don’t know why some people go the frozen route for pizza. Nothing compares to homemade. Heck, even if you buy the ingredients pre-setup, like a DIY pizza project, that still beats out the frozen stuff.

  • August 15, 2012 at 7:24 pm
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    @Robert Geczi

    The point of this article is that the McCain one is really bad. Not all frozen pizza is awful. Also, frozen pizzas are extremely fast to prepare, so that’s their advantage over from-scratch. I enjoy a good pizza like anyone else, but I enjoy having my food when I’m hungry and not having to spend an hour working on it. For me, that time working is better spent working on something else food-unrelated.

  • May 27, 2014 at 4:38 pm
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    I guess everyone’s mileage varies. It is also possible that people aren’t following the cooking instructions properly and are getting a half baked pizza. In any case, McCain’s rising crust pizzas are my favourite brand of frozen pizza. I have none of the issues the OP or the other commenters have with it. I especially appreciate the fact that their toppings go right to the edge of the pizza, which it’s local competitors where I live, do not.

  • May 27, 2014 at 4:52 pm
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    Well Peter, thank you for your comment. I kinda agree with you, as long as we’re talking about frozen pizza. Of course nothing beats fresh homemade pizza dough or your nearest decent pizza place that offers delivery. But yeah, McCain do offer a decent frozen pizza.

  • May 27, 2014 at 4:55 pm
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    does? do? is McCain a bunch of people or just a single brand name thing?

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