Big Fat Ostrich

Hey, remember that big Amarok vs Songbird showdown that I wrote about last year? Well you know what? It was all bullshit! There I was, trying to find THE best goddamn music player, to just PLAY MUSIC. So what happened, you ask?

2 things happened:

a) Amarok turned into Amarok 2, which was a giant digital turd. End of story
b) Songbird turned into Songbird for Windows with no more Linux support. That’s right: NO MO!
c) Songbird for Linux became Nightingale (which hasn’t really gone anywhere yet)

Fine, so that was 3 things.

Anyway, all this time something was right under my nose, and that something was Rhythmbox. And yes, Rhythmbox comes installed on Lucid Lynx by default. Also, you know what it goddamn does? It goddamn detects my iPod. And you know what else? It plays music right off my iPod! That means that I can take my iPod to any computer that has Rhythmbox installed and it will play my collection. Without me having to do any stupid synching or anything.

I know I know. Someone’s going to tell me that this existed in the 1620′s or something, but I don’t care! It’s news to me!

Also, in the last version of Songbird I couldn’t get the guitar tabs to work in 64-bit Lucid Lynx. If you want to use them in Rhythmbox, do this:

1. $ sudo apt-get install python-lxml
2. $ tar -xvzf tabsearch-0.1.tar.gz
3. $ cp -r tabsearch/ $HOME/.gnome2/rhythmbox/plugins/<—create the folder if it doesn’t exist!
4. Launch Rhythmbox and activate the plugin

It’s summertime and time for salad!

But you know what? Your salad is nothing without a good dressing. Nothing! Which is why we’re here to tell you how to spruce up your bowl of greens and stuff with a kick-ass dressing that will make you wish you had never bought that crate of Renees Sweet and Sour Hog Sauce.

So let’s get started!

You’ll need:

Mayonnaise
Half a lemon (squeezed)
2 Garlic Cloves (finely chopped)
A handful of red seedless grapes (quartered)
3 pickled banana peppers (diced)
Ground Black Pepper (the more the better)
A touch of lemon zest (use the same lemon!)

Preparation:

Chop up the garlic cloves real fine like, and do the same thing to the pickled banana peppers. Diced, chopped, whatever. We’re not really sure what the difference is, so just make sure they’re fine and mushy. Then get a bowl and slog in a few healthy dollops of mayo and squeeze in the half lemon. mixing it all together with your favorite fork. You can mix in the peppers and the garlic too, and while you’re at it, chop up those grapes in quarters, or halves. Now mix it all together some more. Don’t stop! Keep mixing!

Now for the pepper.

You can use your own judgment and add a sprinkle, or a teaspoon. Or, you can be like us and open the pepper without looking and start shaking it generously into the bowl, only to realize after 2 seconds that the ‘big hole’ side of the pepper thing was open, effectively dousing the mix with ALOT of pepper. Too much pepper you say? You might say, but you’d also be wrong. The amount of pepper that poured out was actually ideal. Tangy, peppery, and just right once mixed into the salad. In fact, it was a perfect compliment to the arugula.

So yeah, this dressing was a total success. The grapes were like little forgotten pleasures of grapeness that popped up when we least expected it. The peppers added some zest and were not overpowering in the least. Overall, a good creamy tangy dressing to get you ready for summer!

None of you wanna hear about it. It’s only a stupid cat. Still, she’s getting put to sleep on wednesday and I’m gonna miss her. That stupid fucking cat symbolizes 9 years of my life. I mean, the 9 best years of my life. It’s sad to see her go, and with her, that youth I pissed away. Yeah yeah, I know, I’m way too emotional. Fuck you all (all of you! our thousands of readers!)

Well, cat, fare thee well. Here’s song lyrics to accompany you to the other side. Because I can’t write goddam it! (I couldn’t find good cat-related lyrics so I’m gonna have to go with My Chinchilla by Cub)

satan sucks, but you’re the best

holy smokes you passed the test

when i’m with you i feel blessed

my chinchilla

satan sucks, but you’re okay

since you came things go my way

here tomorrow, here today

my chinchilla

one day i woke up and everything was beautiful

my troubles had all fallen out the window

satan sucks but you’re divine

sitting pretty by my side

my oh my, my chinchilla

Ok, I finished digesting that whole thing of blackberry yogurt that I ate. Seriously, man. When you set out to eat a whole 750 grams of yogurt in one sitting, be prepared for the consequences. It’s not like you can just go, “yeah, let’s eat the whole thing”, and then just walk away from the table without consequence.

It’s like playing poker. When you win a huge pot and take everyone’s money, do you just get up and say, “great game, guys! Same time next week?”, and then just stroll out to your Harley? Do you? Well, you could do that, but you better have a backup plan in case things turn ugly.

Well I played my cards right. This time. I went for a solid bike ride AND I went jogging beforehand. Yeah, that’s right. When you do that, your body will be hungry and will absorb all of that yogurty goodness.

But you can’t just go for a 10 minute run. Make it a good honest 20 minutes. And for the bike ride, do at least 30 minutes, with no less than 15 minutes riding uphill. Yeah, that yogurt will go right to your quads. Do those things and you too will be able to eat 750 grams of yogurt in one sitting.

However, if you do not exercise beforehand, you’re going to ruin that new pair of boxers with a lot of blackberry yogurt juice. And it’ll be more than 750 grams, if you know what I mean *wink*

So yeah! Join me next week when I try to eat 12 apricots in one sitting!

Dell are such a bunch of jerks, but D-Link runs a close second. Yeah, I kind of hinted at that awhile back, but now I’m trying to return my D-Link DIR-615, which is a huge piece of crap. So even though I love my Inspiron, I hate Dell for making me call D-Link, especially since I bought the thing from them.

So I called those D-Link guys:
“I want to return the router!”
“ok sir, I will work on your replacement.”
“No. I want to return it.”
“Yes, I will replace it.”
“Return!”
“Replace.”
“RETURN!”
“Replace, yes.”

Anyway, while we were talking, the line disconnected. When they tried calling me back twice, the line was silent both times. Like they were stalking me or something. They suck. I didn’t even hear any heavy breathing.

So I’ll try to live with it for another 24 hours. If it keeps on dropping connections, I’ll get them to replace it.

For now, I’m gonna eat an entire thing of Liberty Blackberry Yogurt. Have you ever tried it? It fucking rocks.

Yeah man, Blackberry Dude would be proud.

Yeah!