Big Fat Ostrich

So before BFO started, when my good buddy Dan asked me if I was interested in doing comic book reviews, I said “hell yeah!!! I’ll work on something right away.”

One year later – yes I am the king of procrastination – here’s my first one. Here’s to hoping it won’t be the last.

Picked up Nemesis, the highly anticipated new series by Mark Millar (kick ass, the Ultimates, Civil War and Old Man Logan) and Steve McNiven (Old man Logan, Civil War, Avengers). I’ve been hearing about this comic for a few months now. It’s been hyped a lot and I’m not usually big on following the “flavour of the month” comic book. Or to get something just because the Internet says it’s gonna be good. So when it finally came out I decided to read it at the store before buying it.

Wow, was I ever wrong to have reservations about this book! In the first few pages you have a hotel blown up, a police detective squished by a bullet train, and said bullet train crashing in the street. Everything I like about comics!

Nemesis is about the world’s only supervillain who’s kick is to kill the best police officer of any given city. Turns up in Washington to call out the city’s supercop and mayhem and destruction ensue. Millar follows up on his “no quarter asked no quarter given” storytelling style with Steve McNiven who is probably one of the best superhero artist out there. The storytelling is crisp and fast paced and as you could expect from a Mark Millar story, very violent, irreverent, and very cool. The good thing is that this book has had so much hype and has been massively ordered by comic book shops, meaning that it shouldn’t be hard to find. I know that my local comic book store still has some copies left.

So come along for the ride I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.

http://www.millarworld.tv/
http://www.stevemcniven.com/
http://www.milleniumcomics.com

View my obsession

http://comicartfans.com/GalleryDetail.asp?GCat=20536

That’s right, BFO is one year old! I spent hours making this ms paint birthday card.

Yeah! Happy Birthday BFO! Let’s hand out some goddamn awards.

• The STFU Already Award: Mike O. For posting 55 times!
• The Unwashed Blogger Award: Dan for this post
• Most Disgusting Guest Blogger: (You’re a sick fuck, but we love you) Radiation Juan
• Most Popular Guest Blogger: Dobson (For keeping it real. Really pathetic)
• Best Fan Award: Note to self…promote blog.

Yeah man. Congratulations to all the winners!

Yep. Yep yep yep yep. The Bobbipins and possibly the best anus joke of the year. Thanks to Mike.

Patrick: Happy St-Paddy’s Day motherfuckers!
Jimothy:Jeez, st-Patrick’s Day was like, 5 days ago…
Rose de Lima: Yeah, I told him if he got drunk enough, he’d catch a leprechaun.
Jimothy: Hah, what a boob.
*Ass Leprechauns*

How’s it hanging, all you leprechauns? I know. One day late. But you know what? I was celebrating St-Patrick’s Day by drinking a bottle of Glenfiddich with my old Air Force buddies. The joke around here is that we say we’re in the Air Force because we blow real hard! Ha!

Well as you now know, yours truly is unilaterally declaring the month of March as “Ostrich Month”. The reason is because it’s been just about 1 year since the boys set up this forum and they have to celebrate somehow. Plus I’ve been getting a lot of Ostrich News over my fax machine and I need to vent. I’ll have some for you in a second. Right after this limerick I just made up:

This Ostrich he had some green feathers!
And hid in a great patch of heather!
He surprised a young lass!
But then she whipped his ass!
And then found himself under the weather!

Ha! You like that? Ok, here’s another:

I drank a whole bottle of scotch!
Just to take things up a notch!
I met a young tart!
But then she broke my heart!
And I woke up with mites on my crotch!

True story.

So where was I? Yes. Ostrich News. Well, the last thing that I got over the old Morse Code was about the iPad from Macintosh. It seems you can buy exotic skin iPad cases from Padova. Big deal. $570 for the Ostrich Case. Do you realize how much Guinness I can buy for $570?? Do you have any idea? Well take my word for it. She’s not worth it. Hey that gives me an idea for another limerick:

I went to the Pub for a beer!
And this lass whispered in my ear!
She said, “hey I know you!”
“You didn’t pay for the brew!”
“Now get the hell out of my pub!”

True story.

That’s right! Big Fat Ostrich Merchandise has arrived. Now you to can start the day with a Plague Beige Coffee Mug, or start your car with your very own Big Fat Ostrich Key Chain!

So head on over to our Zazzle store and check out our first products!

Shop other personalized gifts from Zazzle.

Hold on to your big fat feathery butts, because here comes the Chandler Ostrich Festival!

That’s right. It’s all happening in Tumbleweed Park in Chandler, Arizona, THIS WEEKEND. So if you don’t have your tickets yet, what are you waiting for? Get on the nesterwebs, book a flight, book a room, shave your eyebrows, get some face paint and head on down to the Ostrich Fest!

Seriously though, this has been happening annually for 22 glorious feather-filled years, and it’s not just about Ostriches (although we dig them, yes we do). It’s about Medieval Jousting, Wild Monkeys, Amateur Boxing, Archery, Music, and even a petting zoo!

“But Mike O, is there more than that? I don’t wanna go all the way down there for nothin’”

Hell yeah, there’s more! How about The Freakshow Deluxe? Yeah, now we’re talking.  If the words Freak and Show don’t make you put your pants on backwards (on purpose), then dude, you are crazy.

And you know what else? It’s dirt cheap! 9$ a day for Adults and that includes concerts! 25$ if you want to go on the rides, which is still a steal.

And did I mention that they have Ostrich Races? No? well they do. Just look at them! It’s like Joust, only better pixelated.

Wow, there are just too many attractions to mention here, so check ‘em all out on the official site now. I know I posted the link up there somewhere, but right now, my head is exploding from too much ostrich!

It’s all going on this weekend!

What a day!

I spent 8 hours fixing the ‘ternets! 8 goddamn hours. With like, 30 minutes for lunch. They even removed my shackles just long enough so that I could go to the bathroom. In the bucket next to my desk!

But I survived. Yes I did.

On my way home, I plotted my victory dinner: I’d throw some cheese tortellini into a pot of boiling water. In a small saucepan, I’d cook up a light tomato sauce, with fennel seeds and dill. A bit of garlic too, with slices of yesterdays shallots. Yes, I deserved this. I’d eat my dinner like a king. With a beer. While watching Lost.

Except I was out of goddamn tortellini!! And tomatoes!

God. How could I be so stupid? Thinking that the freezer was chock full ‘o delectable cheese-filled-tortellini shaped tortellinis. What an idiot  I was. And the water was already on the boil! What was I to do?

I had to think fast.

I checked the time: 8:50pm. Lost would be starting soon and I needed to eat. No, prunes and sour cream would not suffice. Not this time!

I looked in the pantry. Half a bag of Rotini! I threw it in the pot. But dammit…no time for sauce. No time!

Then it hit me.

Tuna. A can of tuna was definitely going in the pasta. In fact, the pasta was ready. A little Al dente, but ready. The after boil will take care of it.

I strained out the pasta, threw in the tuna. Will fennel work? It goddamn better, so I took the chance of my life. I mixed in the fennel and the dill, but it was all too dry, so I went fucking crazy.

I added a teaspoon of mayonnaise. And you know what?

It worked.

I was totally starving, but it was perfectly edible, filling, and flavorful. Do not ever underestimate the power of fennel and dill.

Ever.