Big Fat Ostrich

Wow, it’s been over a month since we’ve posted any Ostrich News but to be honest, pickings were slim. It’s summer (the end of) so maybe everyone and their ostrich related antics were off on vacation somewhere.

Today’s Ostrich Google News search turned up the 2009 Worthing Birdman Competition, a contest where humans compete for distance as they jump off Worthing Pier in homemade flying machines, or dressed up in crazy insane costumes. You can bet your feathers that one of those costumes was an ostrich suit. You can learn more about the history of The Birdman here.

Over 50 competitors vied for the $50,000 prize which would be awarded to the flyer who could coast over 100m. No one made it that far. Steve Elkins however, broke a long-standing record by sailing 99.8m in a modified hang glider. Well, you don’t get much closer than that, but with thousands of spectators and thousands of dollars raised for charity, The Worthing 2009 Birdman event was a success.

Getting back to the whole point of our Ostrich News post. On Saturday, the Serious Flyers took their shot at the prize. On Sunday, the Fun Flyers mostly plummeted off the pier in their various get-ups, most of which are so not conducive to flight, but so much fun to watch as they nose dive into the sea. Ian Usher took the leap in an Ostrich Suit which you can see ever so briefly in this video. Ian’s jump is around the 1:15 mark:

Of note, Ian Usher was in the news last year when he auctioned off his entire life on eBay. What constitutes a life in the 21st century? The winning bidder got Ian’s 3 bedroom house and everything in it including his Mazda, jet ski, and motorcycle. Also on the table was his job and his friends. All this for a cool £192,276.

Aside from jumping off of piers in Ostrich attire, Ian now travels the world in search of adventure. Check out Ian’s blog here:

Well the big day has finally arrived and I couldn’t be more non-plussed. Yeah. Non-plussed. As in the complete absence of plusses. Sure, The Big Day. The day that Archie makes the biggest mistake of his life.

When I opened my electronic mail today, my alarm was flashing to remind me that today is the day that Archie Comics #600 is released to adoring fans. Now really. Are there really that many people hungrily waiting to devour this swill? The answer is yes, yes there are, and Yours Truly is one of them, albeit grudgingly.

Speaking of grudges, I hate you, Mr. Lodge as well as your snooty ass-kissing butler. What a jerk.

Anyway, let’s get to the point. I slipped into my smoking jacket and headed down to the nearest comic book store to get Archie #600 AKA The Proposal. Now I ain’t gonna lie to you young whipper-snappers. My comic book store is called Torrent Loaderdown or something. I can’t remember really. You’d have to ask my houseboy how he got it delivered to me so fast.

So in between bites of my marmalade toast and sips of my morning tea, I read it. I read the whole goddamn thing from start to finish. And lemme tell you, I had to resist not once, but 5 TIMES, the urges of my body to heave all over my monitor. Archie Comics has some of the most embarrassing, amateurish, and revoltingly bad writing I’ve seen in a long time. And I’ve seen a lot of bad writing. Just ask my ex-wife. No, don’t ask her. Ask her Pulitzer. What a total fraud.

So the story goes like this: Archie and the gang play their last show at Riverdale and they ponder their futures.  To avoid having to develop the story, the writers throw in a ‘Flash Forward’ to a whirlwind of scenes depicting college graduation day. There’s even one hilarious moment where Archie forgets to put pants under his graduation gown. Lolz.

As it turns out, everyone will be leaving Riverdale, except Jughead who’s presumably staying behind with Hot Dog to perpetuate a worthless existence at Pop’s flipping burgers. Reggie aspires to be a used car salesman. Betty’s going to New York, Dilton’s going to MIT, Moose is off to be a lunkhead somewhere, Veronica (that bitch) is going to Hong Kong or something, and Archie has no prospects. He does have a cheque that his parents gave him as a graduation gift, and he buys Veronica a ring. Etc, etc, he proposes to The Big V.  in the jewelery store.  Betty happens in on the happenings through the window, is emotionally crushed under the steamroller that Archie blindly projected in her direction, and the rest is history.

Oh wait, he tells Mr. Lodge, who is pissed at first, but then gives his blessing and vows to hold a gigantic wedding. Veronica declares that it won’t be “as low-key as Obama’s Inauguration”. Actual quote.

As hideously revolting as most of the story is (since I hate Veronica), I cried at the end when She/It asks Betty to be her Maid of Honor. Betty barely had time to put her shattered heart back together when V. drives another thoughtless bitch-stake into Betty’s heart. Nice going ‘Moronica’. Now if you’ll excuse me, my toast is getting soggy. I should never have sold my J.D. Salinger first editions.

Bob Log III is back!

Well, he never left since the guy tours constantly and plays over 300 shows a year (I’m guessing), but he is back with his first album in 6 years! Actually, the new album was released back in March, so I’m super late about the whole thing. Either way, if that doesn’t make you happy, it should, because Bob Log III will melt your brain with his furious slide guitar. And everyone needs their brain melted once in awhile.

I have a soft spot in my heart for Bob Log III. The man plays Silvertone arch top guitars and if you’ve been reading my posts, you’ll remember that one time where I postulated profusely about my own Silvertone. If you don’t remember, well just scroll down. Or click the Silvertone tag. Or don’t.

I guess you can describe Bob’s style as fast Delta Blues, but what makes his sound unique is the ultra-low bass string tuning. In this tuning, the bass lines are present while he can plays the rhythm, so he gets a fuller sound. Those low strings are slack, in a JJ Cale kinda way. But where JJ Cale is slow and groovy, Bob Log is fast and dirty. Filthy even. Here are the specs on his tuning:

A–A–E–A–C#–E  <— Remember that the low A is tuned low. Really low.

The new album is called My Shit is Perfect, which alludes to his flawless playing and timing. He’s just one of those guys who’s always in the zone when he plays. I won’t even go into detail about the helmet, the cannonball suit, or the telephone microphone. Just expect to hear more sleazy sex and scotch induced slide guitar from my favorite one-man band.

Bob is also probably the only musician to ever ‘raft’ the crowd. Just watch the video and you’ll see what I mean.