Big Fat Ostrich

Man.

Are you ready?

ARE YOU?

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve heard that Conficker is about to be unleashed on the world this Wednesday, April 1st. Up until now we’ve been fed mere scraps by the media, but that’s to be expected. With most software releases, the media is the last place you’d look for useful information. Especially when it comes to the software/gaming industry.

Something like this comes around once (usually 10 times) in a person’s lifetime. I don’t mean lifetimes as we measure them in human years, but more in internet years, which is about every 15 minutes or so.

Conficker is the biggest thing to come along since WoW (World of Warcraft for the layman), and because it’s free, it will blow away all of those multi-player games that require monthly subscriptions. From what I gather in the initial press reports, most Windows desktop computers already come bundled with it (Linux users, you are flat out of luck this time!)

The idea behind Conficker is very Utopian in nature, if not a little idealistic. A few years back, we started to see the proliferation of distributed computing used for “protein folding” which is noble enough in that over time the simulations can lead to cures and treatments for diseases. There was also SETI@home which is ongoing and a cool idea, but you don’t really accomplish much in the long run. Really now people. Aliens? Personally I’d rather be involved in something a little more “real world”.

That’s where Conficker comes in. We still don’t have a lot of information on player classes and missions, but from what everyone seems to agree on is that Conficker is a group effort with a common goal, which is nice for a change! Almost every single MMORPG that comes out these days is about killing monsters, or blindly attacking “those guys” over there on the hill:

“Why do we hate those guys?”
“I dunno. We just do.”
“Let’s get ‘em!”
“Yeah!”

Personally, I think it’s time we’ve evolved past all the fantasy and swordplay. Conficker offers a real communal scenario where millions (that is ALOT) of computers will all be working together, gathering information, and organizing data. And it’s free, which is great! But there’s still so much mystery around it and it’s still not clear where we can get it from. We don’t even have any screenshots of it, and usually screenshots are your highway-side billboard. But since Conficker is free, who cares? Not I, that’s for sure.

Wow.

Is it tomorrow yet?

Before this site turns into “Big Fat Street Fighter Review”, I thought I’d offer you guys a present: My Awesome Chili Recipe. It’s a recipe that took me years to perfect, and if I one day have a child, it’ll probably be his only inheritance. It’s the first recipe post in what I hope will become a regular feature. Let me know if you enjoyed it, hated it, or have some suggestions to make it better. I tried to stick with pretty easy to find ingredients and none of ‘em is absolutely necessary. So here we go, time to put on your chef hats and your fake mexican moustaches!

Ingredients

- 1 lb ground veal

- 1 x 796ml can of diced tomatoes

- 1 x 398ml can of tomato sauce

- 1 x 540ml can of small red kidney beans (the bigger beans are okay too, not ideal but okay)

- 2 onions

- 1 garlic clove

- 1 tablespoon extra super virgin pro premium olive oil

- 1/2 cup of red wine

- 1/2 tsp chili powder

- 1/2 tsp crushed cayenne pepper

- a pinch of paprika

- a tiny pinch of cinnamon

- a pinch of ground cumin (giggedy)

- 1 thing of fresh coriander

- Sour cream (optional)

- Corn chips (optional)

Preparation

Put everything in a blender and mix for a good 2 minutes. Serve as a protein shake. Mmmmmm…

Seriously though, you start by chopping up the onions and the garlic. The size is entirely up to you but for some reason, in a chili, I prefer bigger onion chunks. Wash and chop the coriander, the finer the better. Open all the cans so you don’t get caught when it’s time to add their contents to the mix. Rinse the red kidney beans to get rid of the disgusting “bean slime” they’re packaged in.

That’s it, you’re all set, turn on the stove , set it to “max”, pour the olive oil in a big frying pan or a wok. Add the onions, the garlic and the veal. After 5 minutes or so, add the red wine. After another 5 minutes, add the diced tomatoes, the tomato sauce, the red kidney beans (Yes, I add them at the beginning. A lot of people will tell you to add them near the end, but they’re WRONG! I find adding the beans early gives them a smoother texture, like, it makes them melt in your mouth. Oh yeah baby, melt dem naughty naughty beans in your mouth…)

Now it’s time to reduce the fire to “medium-low”. It’s also time for the trickiest part of the recipe: the spices. I usually use half a teaspoon of chili powder, half a teaspoon of cayenne pepper, and a pinch of everything else. Especially the cinnamon; you gotta be suuuper careful with the cinnamon cuz it can totally ruin your recipe. On the other hand, you can put up to a half a teaspoon of cumin and paprika if you know what you’re doing. Using too much cumin will make your chili taste like an indian dish though.

Words of wisdom: a great recipe takes a lot of trial and error. Don’t be afraid to test the hell out of it when you’re not cooking for guests, I know that’s how I made my coolest cooking discoveries (which I’ll make sure to share with you in the future).

Back to our awesome chili. Let it simmer to reduce on “medium-low” for a good hour. Stir every 10 minutes or so. It’ll probably mess up your whole kitchen with little red drops, so be prepared.

Protip: after it’s done simmering, turn the stove off and let it rest for another hour. It makes a huge difference on the taste when you let all the ingredients cool down together for a while.

Serve in a bowl with some fresh coriander sprinkled on it, a spoonful of sour cream and corn chips.

This recipe will feed 4 normal people, or 1 single disgusting fuck.

Enjoy!

I’m not a big fan of cell phone games, but imagine my surprise when I discovered that my W380 came bundled with Street Fighter II. I spent many hours losing at the arcade version back in university, and seeing the splash screen again, well, it brought me right back to those heady 90′s, killing time between classes at the smoky campus arcade. Street Fighter II stood next to Tetris, my first love. So different they were from each other, yet there they were: sitting side by side like an old married couple. One full of rage, gin and cheap cigars, while the other sits quietly, plotting to keep the house clean of colored blocks while waiting for the roast to finish cooking. A match made in heaven, or a Las Vegas chapel.

Because this is a demo, you can only choose Ryu, while the other characters are only available in the full version. Playing a 2 person fighting game on a cell phone is not easy, or very entertaining. Don’t get me wrong. I love my W380. I love the flat buttons and it’s sleek design. But flat buttons are NOT conducive to executing those cool combo moves. I was barely able to jump up to avoid Guile‘s Sonic Boom ™, and he had me beat in about 10 seconds That said, I haven’t been able to pull off Ryu’s Dragon Punch either.

Surprisingly, even for a demo, you only have 1 chance. You suffer one beat-down, and that’s it. The thinking behind this is likely that most people know the game already, so they’ll either buy it or steal it if they really want it. But who would want to?  The playability is awful on a cell phone. Still, the developers and/or management could have tried a little harder to tempt us, but no. They chose the very lame road.

Just a quick post to say that I have been trying out a shitload of linux distros lately and ended up installing Linux Mint, and I am in love. I had tried Mint a while ago, back when it was at version 3.0 (Cassandra), and although the intention was good, it didn’t quite cut it. There were many small frustrating problems, and the overall look was only “almost awesome”. Now, since I installed version 6 (Felicia), I have not been able to find a single aspect of the distro that I did not like. And my other computer is a mac, so the bar was raised quite high. Everything, from the theme to the functionality of the interface, the ease of use, the update system (aptitude), absolutely everything is tight. Linux desktops often feels like a patchwork of parts that don’t necessarily work well together, and the Mint guys seem to understand exactly what it takes to avoid that. So yeah, just wanted to say I’m very very impressed and I can’t wait to see what those guys have in store when Gloria is released in May.

–Dan

Fuck you, Seth!

Street Fighter IV is destroying my left thumb. The arcade stick shortage was as unforeseen as it was severe. There’s some hope of seeing a new batch in April, but I honestly don’t think it’ll be enough, what with all the pre-orders that haven’t been honored yet and everything. So for now I’m stuck with the default PS3 controller. Ouch

Street Fighter IV is the closest thing to an actual arcade cabinet I’ve had in my living room. It has that hard to describe quality to it. Like a wild horse or something. Once you start playing it, the damn thing will grab you by the balls and won’t let go until your left thumb bleeds (or you buy an arcade stick). I sometimes get so into it, I have to play standing up. I can spend hours trying to beat some challenge level or Seth on medium (fuck you, Seth on medium). With other games, I just scream at the TV a lot, throw the controller and go play something else after 15 minutes. Not this time. This time it’s just like when I was 12 and my cousin and me were trying to beat Contra without the cheat code. This time it’s personal.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, Street Fighter IV is one hell of a game. As much as I love the other fighters, this is the first time I really feel like spending actual time learning a character. It’s all about the satisfaction of pulling off an Ultra Combo, the feel of a heavy punch connecting with the other guy’s jaw, the pace, the amount of polish, the art direction. The music. Hahahaha  nah, not the music. Even though people seem to kinda get into the main theme song (a boys band/action rock piece called INDESTRUCTIBLE) after a while, I maintain that it is pure evil.

One of the things that really separates SFIV from the others is the very limited amount of special moves per character. First time I looked at a move sheet I was like “where’s page 2?”. If you’ve played Soul Calibur you know what I mean. This “super easy to get into, very hard to master” approach is a great way to get casual players to try the game. And then before they know it, they’ll be wearing a kung fu bandana and doing thumb katas every morning at sunrise.

A quick word on the characters. SFIV offers a pretty solid roster to suit literally every play style. The familiar faces from SFII are all there, plus several from other versions. The 5 brand new guys really bring something different to the table. You’ve got Crimson Viper, a special agent whose real employer IS A MYSTERY! Her moveset has been described as a mix between Chun-Li and Bison. El Fuerte is a mexican luchador and a chef. His basic damage output isn’t that great but he’s super fast and tons of fun to play. Rufus is a fat american biker with a very special brand of kung fu. Don’t be fooled by his size though; he’s fast and vicious. Abel is a french dude who’s lost his memory. He’s got very powerful and satisfying moves. And last but not least, Seth, who’s the end boss of the game, and the king of cheap shots. He’s basically a naked guy with a Yin Yang ball for an abdomen, and his special moves are all borrowed from other characters (Guile’s sonic boom, Bison’s laughing teleport, Dhalsim‘s long arm punch, etc). And I hate his guts. That’s all I’ll say about him.

Arcade mode is rock solid, the AI is versatile and challenging (except for Seth, fuck you Seth). The other game modes are varied and fun (although the Challenges can get pretty frustrating near the end). Now, about the online play, even though it seems to be working perfectly well, the few times I’ve tried it against random people, I got my ass kicked so bad, I bled from my self-esteem for days. So I can’t really talk about it until I finally try it against some of my friends.

The game offers a good number of unlockables; concept art, movies, titles, icons and medals. It’s just too bad that so much of it can only be unlocked by winning online fights. Oh, you can also unlock alternative color schemes for costumes but the actual different costumes are only available from packs that you buy online for 5$ a pop. Each pack contains approximately 5 costumes, and they’re grouped by theme (the Shadaloo pack covers Bison, Vega, Balrog, Sagat and Seth, the Femme Fatale pack covers, you’ve guessed it, all the ladies of the game, etc)

In conclusion, Street Fighter IV is a fucking masterpiece that’ll keep you playing for a long long time. A definite must-buy for anyone who has even the slightest interest in fighting games.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go practice my INDESTRUCTIBLE choreography.

Phew…well, we made it!

Not like I ever had any doubt about it. But you know, some day when we’re attacked by mutant glaciers, “we made it” might actually hold some weight.

So, with spring’s ugly shadow bearing down on us, I thought I’d table some Springtime resolutions. I’ve always felt that New Years resolutions were for suckers. Who doesn’t resolve to change their ways when you’re heaving into a toilet on New Years Day and it’s -60 outside? That’s just so predictable and sounds like herd mentality to me. Screw that. The sun is shining, the snow is melting. I’m going to:

Cut out spinach
That might be easy for you. Personally, I love the stuff, so going cold turkey is going to be a major challenge. I’ve tried to quit before, but then someone comes along with a flaky spanakopita and I cave in. This time around, if someone offers me a bite of their “Mother’s Secret Recipe”, I’m going to punch them in the face, no questions asked.

Quit my Job
Every thing’s going great and I was just promoted. I got a raise and I now have 12 underlings. Well, if you’re like me, you like to shake things up once in awhile. What fun is life without challenges? Spring is a great time to find new opportunities, and with the economy the way it is, I figure there are lots of newly opened positions.

Get Fat
I’m not one to follow trends, but hey, I could use a few pounds. By July I want to put on at least 15 pounds of pure cream cheese abs.

I think that’s about it. I could add more to the list, but that might be ambitious, so let’s stick to what’s within reach.